Make Your Kids Do A Business Case To Join Facebook

I have one of the oldest 12 year olds in the world.  It's her thoughtful persistence that makes her seem older. Not in a whiny, annoying type of way, but the kind of way a Chinese water torture must feel like.

Her request:  “Can I open a Facebook account?”  Yes, she used a capital F.

Now Kennedy (we’ll give her a name) and I had an agreement.  Since she was young, I’ve told her that she can’t get a facebook until she is out of the house.  Not because I don’t love social media, I do.  I’m a huge advocate of the power of online communication and how fostering virtual connections can truly improve people’s lives.  But, not for my daughter.

I’ve seen too many wrongs, and heard too many stories about how young people just do not know when they are crossing a line.  It’s so much easier to say what shouldn’t be said when you are typing vs what you would actually say in person (this is the part where all of us are saying to ourselves, oh, that happens to me too, and I’m an adult…topic for another day).  

Once something is out there, it’s out there forever.  Someone told me a story of a straight A high school student getting rejected from her number one choice for college because of what her friends, not her, were saying on her Facebook page.

Throughout Kennedy’s childhood years, she was really good about our agreement.  As her friends were getting Facebook pages left and right, she would say to me, “I don’t want one Mommy”.  

Then came middle school.  

The request to open a Facebook because “All of my friends have one”, was constant.  She was lobbying my closest friends and our relatives.  Everyday, I would hear about her greatest wish from one source or another. 

Of course, I did what any good parent does, I caved.

On the flip side, I am hoping the way I crumbled helps others in my situation. 

After several days of this, one morning I scribbled a “Business Case for Opening A Facebook Account” on my whiteboard and left it in her room.   

Elements of this business case included:

1. Why do you want a Facebook?  Rule:  You can’t say because all your friends have one.
2. What kinds of things would you share/not share?  Give me 3 examples.
3. How much time would you be on Facebook?  Include when during the week also.
4. What is your process for handling friends who act inappropriately?  Provide step by step instructions.
5. What are your criteria for who you would/would not accept as friends?

My hypothesis was that by making her really think about all these situations, she would be better prepared to handle them and be a more responsible Facebooker.  By the time I got home from work, I had this response:

Facebook Business Case By Kennedy

        I should have a Facebook because I could keep in touch with family and friends that live far away.  Facebook is free, fast, and easy.  I could keep up with the family instead of saying you guys never tell me anything!

        I would only share the state I live in, and I wouldn't share my location. I wouldn't say that I'm at Walmart or anywhere else like that. No one could see my pictures either, unless they were my friend. Also, I wouldn't put up inappropriate pictures. I wouldn't share my school. I would be very careful on what I posted and said to others. I would talk about school and family and events with friends and family. I wouldn't talk about anything very inappropriate. I would only say where I have been after I have gone to the place. For example: I just got home from my family’s Florida vacation! I would be careful on the information I put on the web.

        I would not be on Facebook for very long each day. I would only go on if my homework is done, or to find out the homework. Facebook doesn't have good video chat, and I don't like typing for a long period of time. Which means I wouldn't be on for more than an hour each day with the exception of when friends are over.

        If people don't behave or be inappropriate I will block them on Facebook, and I would warn my friends that are friends with those people. I would stay away from them, and not talk to them over Facebook either. I would be careful of who I talked to on Facebook.

         I would never accept friend requests from people that I don't know, or don't talk to. I would never accept friend requests from people that are my friend’s friends, but not mine. I would make sure that it is the person that friend requested me by calling, or asking them in person. If some one looked me up on Facebook they could only see my name, state, and gender. I would only friend, and accept good people who don't misbehave or act inappropriate either.

        In conclusion, I think that I should have a Facebook because I would be responsible and keep up with family and friends. That is why you should let me have a Facebook. Thank you for reading!

Needless to say, Kennedy won her case.

We did add a few additional rules to help complete the process:

•  She had to friend both her father and I
•  There’s a total limit to the number of friends she can have, if she goes over that amount, she has to unfriend someone else to make room.
• She can not friend someone she doesn’t know.  That includes celebrities.
• We had to review her privacy settings, and we will periodically check on these as Facebook’s privacy policies change.
• Our friend actually has the password to her son’s account.  She gets to go in and unfriend people directly she doesn’t think he should be friends with.  I think that is pretty genius.

I hope your future Facebooker finds good fortune with this advice from a worn-down Mother. 

Oh, by the way, did I say she was 12?  I meant the minimum legal age to join Facebook, 13.

Photo Credit: DepositPhoto/Ssuaphoto